Updated: May 15
Masturbation is more than just playing with your genitals, but rather an entire mind body experience. If you read this and immediately thought “ummm no it's not - what on earth is this woman talking about??” Let me explain! Also please don’t worry or self-judge if this hasn’t been your experience! One of the beauties of masturbation is you can give it another go pretty much anytime you want!
Humans are multidimensional beings with the capacity for endless desires, and explorations. However the reality is we live in a world that consumes much of our time, energy and attention - sexual and otherwise. Many people I know turn to masturbation as a private way to release some stress, not as an act of self love and care. Yet I believe that we are worth more than a quick rub and release.
Masturbation can take many forms and methods not to mention it’s natural and healthy!
So what exactly do I mean when I said the act of masturbation is a whole mind body experience? For me personally it means that I make a conscious effort to love on my body in more ways than a quick clit rub or a few mins with my fave vibe, the WeVibe Melt - which by the way for the clit havers who are reading this - OMG a few mins is all it takes with that delicious little beast. Anyways I digress, masturbation for me is a container in which I can fully express myself and my emotions while allowing my body and mind to move however they feel called to.
Masturbation is a form of connection with your body & inner self
Please take this as your personal reminder that it is your right and privilege to explore both your mind and body. We only get one body in this lifetime, and it’s so important to build a relationship with it that is just for you and no one else.
As a millennial I grew up alongside the internet - meaning that I was exposed to the early era of chat rooms (a teeming pool of sexual frustrations and expressions to be sure), MSN messenger was my first form of flirtation, and the random Lime-wire downloads that I expected to be songs were from time to time actually porn clips. All this to say that from an early age I was exposed to sexual content that at the time went beyond my understanding, however that did not stop it from weaving its way into my subconscious and then subsequently my sexual behavior's as a young woman. Reflecting back on my youthful sexuality it was heavily influenced by the male gaze, and what had been presented to me as sexy. It wasn’t until my 30’s that I took the time to slow down in my self pleasure, and sexual expression as a whole. Years of molding my sexual experiences to be what I perceived as what was expected and wanted of me had left me a shell of my sexual self. Yet I knew I was a highly sexual person! I just had no idea what I actually wanted and enjoyed, having spent so much time trying to mold my sexual expressions into what I thought was expected and wanted of me, not to mention following the lead of partners past.
Sensuality and Sexuality both deserve to have a place in your day to day life <3
Pleasure disconnect is nothing to be ashamed of!
I have a feeling many women (and men too!) can relate to this disconnect from what we actually want and enjoy with what we believe(d) to be expected of us.
I hope you consider this an invitation to slow down, and spend some time in your body. Touch yourself in new ways, in new places. Try reading porn instead of watching it. Throw on erotic story while you do the dishes. Stimulate yourself, both body and brain - in new ways! Toss any self judgment right out the window, along with any societal shame you may feel in exploring your sexuality. One of the best things I’ve done for my own healthy sexuality is hanging mirrors ALL over my house. It’s allowed me to see and admire my body in new ways. This includes my pussy! I recognize that not everyone has taken the time to get to visually know the parts of their bodies that are not typically visible to them - but for me it's been an incredibly empowering way to connect to my favorite part of my body!
I also make sure that from time to time I make a whole date day/night out of my self pleasure. I get ready by taking a bath, light candles, and the whole nine yards. It used to feel so cheesy doing these things for just me, because what does it matter if I shave my legs or moisturize before spending an afternoon in bed alone with my toys, oils, and imagination - the reality is it doesn’t. But it does make me feel sexier, not to mention showing my body that care and attention has become my very own solo version of foreplay. Of course I’m not saying everyone needs to shave their legs to feel sexy - find what works for you! It is YOUR body, YOUR imagination and of course YOUR pleasure.
So how does one start an intentional pleasure practice?
The sex toy market is booming with new gadgets (Cat’s Paw Electric Shock Vibrator) to provide sexual satisfaction and release, another area perhaps less commonly spoken about is growing rapidly - audio porn & ASMR videos. Creators and fellow kinky humans across the world have stepped up their game, no longer is the porn industry ruled by a handful of companies - rather we are in a golden age of porn and sex toys of all kinds, of which are being created by people passionate about their work and of course your pleasure! I invite you to slow down, explore intentionally and turn your self pleasure practice into a full mind/body experience. Utilize all the free resources the internet can provide, start simple, and most of all release any forms of self judgment. One of the most beautiful things about masturbation is that it is a deeply personal experience you have with yourself. You can drop all the “shoulds” at the door (or on the floor), enjoy the process of touching yourself, massaging deeply, gentle touches - really explore what feels good in that moment to you in your body. There is no mad dash to the finish line here. Instead, envision this as a sacred time for self connection. As a typical solo activity (mutual masturbation is a topic for another time!) it is the perfect place to explore your fantasies and desires without the need to explain them to a partner or gain consent before proceeding. Just your own understanding and consent is all that's needed to get started!
I hope that after you reading this post you all go forth and fuck yourselves! I mean this in the most loving way.